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Becca Ayers is a New York actor who has appeared off-Broadway in the title role of Sarah, Plain and Tall, and The Third Person. She has appeared in numerous national tours including the role of Lucy in Jekyll & Hyde, and Rizzo in Grease. Regionally she has appeared in Ford's Theater production of Children of Eden as Eve/Mama Noah, as Cathy in The Last Five Years at the Speakeasy Stage Co., Sally Bowles in Hasty Pudding's Cabaret, and played the role of Hilda in Empire at the Stamford Center for the arts. Her recent film and tv work includes the lead role Daisy in Forever, For Now, and the realtor on MTV 2003 Beach House. Becca will next be appearing as "Drood" in The Mystery of Edwin Drood at the Rep. Theatre of St. Louis in December.

Since first posting this interview in 2005, Becca has gone on to play roles in "Avenue Q" and "Les Miserables" on Broadway.

Was there a definitive moment when you realized you wanted to be an actor?
I think I always knew that I wanted to do it. My dance teacher used to have us sing songs before we started dancing and I decided I wanted to be as famous as Michael Jackson or Dolly Parton. That was my goal.

I guess the moment I knew for sure was when I saw Annie. I was five or something. My parents said they would find me passed out in my room with the Annie Soundtrack album skipping because it had reached the end. I used to dance around so frantically that I would just fall asleep next to my Fisher Price record player.

What do you love about acting?
Being famous. [laughs]

I love that I get to be things that I can’t be in real life, and show parts of myself that I don’t feel comfortable showing. It’s easier to access those parts of me when there’s some sort of protection. There’s something about a film or a show where… everyone knows that you’re playing a character, so it feels safer.

Tell me about your training.
I started taking tap dance when I was five, and my teacher got us into musicals. Fiddler on the Roof was my first musical when I was seven. Then, I ended up going to Orange County High School for the Performing Arts out in California where I studied musical theater. Then I went to Stephens College in Columbia, MO and got a BFA in theater.

I don’t really know anything else. That’s why if anyone asked me to do anything other than acting, I wouldn’t know what to do. The stakes are so high for me because it’s all I really know how to do.

Do you feel your college education prepared you for showbiz?
I don’t know. I’m just now becoming aware of the things I should have known, you know? [laughs]. I think you don’t know what you need until you get out there and start doing it.

For example, I wish I’d had stronger voice training. Not just singing, but really learning about your body, your instrument, and what it does. I wish I’d learned more about freeing my natural voice, because I’ve picked up some very bad habits along the way and it’s now harder for me to unlearn all these bad habits than it would have been in college.

At one of my student evaluations, I was told that I should work on my schmoozing skills, that I needed to develop my business social skills. But I guess that’s something that you only learn by doing. I was very shy back then, but now it’s easier to schmooze.

What’s your definition of schmoozing?
Being outgoing. I guess what I’ve figured out is that asking people questions is a lot easier because it puts the focus on them and takes the weight off you. It’s a fine line… I guess schmoozing to me means making yourself sound exciting. But you have to be genuinely excited about what you’ve done, I don’t think you can just fake everything. You don’t want to be obnoxious about it.

You do musicals, plays, films and, well… just about everything. Is there one genre you prefer?
Lately I’ve been doing mostly musicals so I’m trying to do as many films and straight plays as possible. I’m trying to branch out into these different genres, so that’s where my focus is right now. But I think if I didn’t do a musical for a long time I would definitely miss it. There’s something so invigorating about being able to express your feelings through singing.

Sometimes it’s very difficult to keep yourself healthy, keep your “instrument” in top shape for doing musicals. I get bitter sometimes about the sacrifices you have to make in order to do a musical well. But then when I’m able to do it… it’s worth it. I couldn’t imagine not doing musicals. But you really have to stay healthy and preserve yourself.

I just heard a quote from Ethel Merman that if you really want to do musical comedy well, you have to “live like a f___ing nun”. Do you agree?
Yeah! She never took a voice lesson, but she also had a built-in preservation mechanism. After a show you have to shut up and go home. And I’m battling with that right now, sometimes you feel like a big nerd if you don’t ever go out and have fun. But ultimately I respect people when they respect themselves.

I’m actually learning new techniques and working with new teachers and a speech pathologist because I’ve had some damage. I’m learning how much things cost, you know? There’s a price you pay with your voice, with your health, and you have to be aware of that. You have to take care of yourself.

Becca as Eve/Mama Noah in Children of Eden

Tell me about Children of Eden at Ford’s Theater in Washington,DC. That's a pretty high profile gig.
It was a great challenge for me. The woman they wrote my role for was actually a black gospel singer, so that was a challenge for me to be rolling around on the floor at the end and praising Jesus… with my big white self… but people were very accepting of that. Luckily they weren’t throwing things at me. [laughs]

It was great, but it was really, really hard. It seems like women’s roles are being written higher and higher, a much higher pitch. I think the difficult thing is being able to stand up for yourself. Some of the female singers were struggling with the high notes and sometimes you have to stand up for yourself and ask about lowering the key. But it takes so much for us to get jobs that when we finally do, we’ll do anything to keep the job, or prove that we’re the best one for the job. You feel the pressure of twenty people in line behind you who can also hit the high notes.

But ultimately, I’m learning… or trying to learn… that if you do respect yourself, then people will have more respect for you.

I think that’s why films and straight theater appeal to me more right now because sometimes it’s hard to know in a musical whether you’ve been hired because of everything you have to offer, or just because you can hit the high note, you know? With a film or a play, you know you’ve been hired because of your acting ability and everything you have to offer. You’re not just being judged on the gymnastics of your voice.

Outside of all that, however, Children of Eden was a great experience. David Bell was a wonderful director and I made some great new friends. It was cool to be in such a historic place, too. They say there’s a cold spot where John Wilkes Booth jumped down after shooting President Lincoln. I don’t know about that… I never felt it.

You work a lot. What do you do on a regular basis that ensures that you’re getting out there more?
Lately I’ve been working with a list of labels that I’ve been gathering, addresses of people I’ve worked with or auditioned for. I send out postcards and a little thank you note, or let them know some pertinent information about a job I’ve gotten. Whenever I’m in a show I do a postcard mailing to let people know.

Occasionally I also just do random mailings, just for fun. It’s like a game, I’ll send out a bunch for a show I’m doing, and then I’ll just send some out randomly to get my face out there, make sure people are seeing my face.

Do you think the random mailings are effective?
I don’t know. I have heard people say that getting tons of random mail can be annoying if you don’t have anything new to tell people. If it’s just blind mailing with no new information, that’s maybe not such a good thing to keep doing.

But I’ve also heard that you never know when your face could cross someone’s desk at just the right moment… maybe you get lucky and they see your picture just when they’re looking for someone like you.
I just do it as a routine and don’t expect much back from it. But every once in a while someone will respond and it’s worth it.

What do you struggle with as an actor?
I guess my biggest struggle is that I don’t really know who I am as an actor. I haven’t figured out what “my thing” is, you know? I struggle with my “type”, and feeling insecure that I don’t fit into a certain “look” that might make me more successful. I’m trying to just put all that aside and be as natural as possible.

I also struggle with insecurity, and projecting that I know that I’m good enough for a role. Because sometimes I don’t know that I am. I’m constantly having to prove to myself that I can do something… and it’s hard for me to project total confidence when I don’t believe myself that I am capable of doing it.

The feedback I’ve heard on your latest film role in Forever For Now is that you look amazing on screen and that your character is an audience favorite. In light of that, it seems odd to me that you’re so self-conscious about your looks and your ability. Are you unaware of what people are saying about your work, or do you feel in any way that if you acknowledge your strengths, you’ll lose them?
I guess. It’s like that poem* about our greatest fear not being our weaknesses, but our strength. I don’t know. It’s hard because I don’t really feel it, I don’t feel like I’m so brilliant and amazing, so it’s difficult to acknowledge it. It’s hard for me to accept that something’s exactly right.

You’ve mentioned insecurity and shyness in yourself. Do you feel those qualities are at odds with a career in showbiz?
There are a lot of actors who are shy and insecure. I think that’s why a lot of them want to act. It can make it harder, it takes more energy if you’re not already an extroverted person to go out there and be extroverted. Especially at auditions. Once you get the job, you can just do the work, but at auditions, you have to be kind of extroverted.

What would you say to an actor who’s fresh out of college and wants to move to New York? Do you have any thoughts on how to get started here?
I would say just go to all the EPA’s and all the auditions they can find. If they’re not Equity, there are lots of non-union tours where you’ll get some great experience. Just get out there and audition as much as possible. Send out your photos, go to all the open calls you can, do readings, do workshops, get out there and network as much as possible.

There’s some question about whether people should join Equity or whether they should stay non-union for a while or move to a smaller city to try to get their Equity cards. I think if you plan to be a professional, you should definitely join when you get the chance. Especially if you think New York is the right place for you. My belief is that if you want to be a professional, you should get in the unions and be a professional.

You have a new agent here in New York. I get a lot of questions that indicate to me that people think getting the agent is the most important thing and that the actor can then sit back and wait for the phone to ring. Is that the case?
No! No, you can’t relax after you get an agent. I still go to open calls when I can, especially when I know that my agent has submitted me and I haven’t been accepted for some reason. I actually got a job from going to open call where the casting director didn’t realize that they completely overlooked me. So you really have to continue to be responsible for yourself.

When I see things in the paper that I think I’m right for, I’ll call my agent and make sure he’s submitted me for it, things like that. You have to stay on top of it. You have to take care of yourself and keep your connections up.

as Lucy in Jekyll & Hyde

People with normal jobs tend to consider a retirement plan, or investments. Are there things you do when you’re working to prepare for when you’re not working?
Well, I have a Roth account, an IRA. When I was on the Jekyll & Hyde tour, some friends had started Roth accounts and that seemed like a good idea. So I put money in that when I can, that’s my goal.

Despite how much you work, I’ve heard you mention that you still take classes. What classes are you taking and do you recommend that others take classes?
Most recently I was taking Craig Carnelia’s performance technique class. He’s a composer but he’s also pretty genius at teaching how to act a song. I’m constantly learning things, and it’s a good way to practice. Occasionally he sets it up like you’re in a real audition and you’ll have to walk in treat it like the real thing. It’s just a great way to work on your material and develop your skills. It helps to keep examining what you’re doing.

As far as whether anyone should take classes, I guess it depends on the individual. I mean, I know a lot of people who haven’t taken voice class in years and they’re doing just fine. If it ain’t broke, why fix it?

But, when you go to an audition, sometimes you don’t get any feedback at all and it can help to put it up in front of a class and find out what’s working and what’s not.

Do you have goals?
Yes, I’d like to be on Broadway. It’s funny, I guess looking back I thought I would have been on Broadway by now, but I don’t feel any more ready for it. I think everything is leading up to it, so I don’t regret not doing it yet.

In LA it seems you’ve got to be “discovered” early on or it gets much more difficult. Do you find that actors are given more time to mature in New York? Are there actors in their 30’s doing their first Broadway shows?
Yes, I think so. I hope so. Thinking of the people I know, I would say that yes… Broadway calls for a more mature actor, someone with more experience. There are some young-focused shows, but overall I would say that Broadway is geared toward more mature actors.

But also, you know, the last show I did there were a lot of LA actors, people in their 30’s getting roles on television. So that was pretty encouraging. My hope is that with everything here leading up to a Broadway show, that when I do finally get on Broadway that will open a lot more doors for me in other areas.

How do you deal with the constant rejection of showbiz?
I get really depressed when I’m not working, so when I have a break I like to focus on other creative things. I focus on writing my music, last time I had a break I recorded a song. I try to write, and I work with books like The Artist’s Way and Vein of Gold.

What keeps you going in such a difficult career?
It’s that old cliché that there’s nothing else I can do that makes me happy. Really, truly. I’ve tried other things… I worked in an office for three days and I wanted to slit my wrists. I get anxious just picturing myself doing anything other than acting. I think I couldn’t exist doing something else.

* Our Greatest Fear
Marianne Williamson from her book A Return to Love

Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate,
but that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.